Twinkies Too
by nixajane-f0rcryin0utl0ud
Summary: Sequel to Twinkies and Things. Ferretti overhears a few conversations and leaps to conclusions. *COMPLETED*


Title: Twinkies Too 

(We threw out the possible title 'Cream Filled Twinkie of Doom' for obvious reasons)           

Author: ForCryinOutLoud and Layton Colt

Email: AwForCryinOutLoud@Yahoo.ca or laytoncolt@hotmail.com 

Status: It says 'The End' at the bottom. You decide. 

Category: Humor. Misunderstandings. More Twinkies.  

Pairings: No, but Ferretti has his suspicions. 

Spoilers: Nothing major if there's anything at all. 

Season: Probably third season. 

Sequel: Sequel to Twinkies and Things. An off-shoot of the Day Series. 

Rating: PG-13

Content Warnings: Some messy misunderstandings regarding Jack's relationship with Doc. Both Docs actually. And again, I feel I must warn you, there are Twinkies in this story. 

Summary: Ferretti overhears a few conversations and leaps to conclusions. 

Author's Notes (Layton's): I apologize for this story. FCOL is to blame as always. 

Author's Notes (ForCryinOutLoud's): As always I get the blame when it was ALL Layton's idea. 

Note: No Twinkies were harmed in the writing of this fic 

"I can't believe you stole my hundred bucks! I was gonna buy pizza and beer with that!" Jack glares at Daniel as they walk quickly down the hall, away from their staring friends.

"I didn't steal it, Jack. It had gotten pushed back into the room when the door flew open. I picked it up when I fell on you." 

"Colonel!" Jack turned his head to see Janet fast approaching. On the floor behind him was a little red dropplet road. His hand was still bleeding and leaving a trail behind him. Janet had that 'you're injured, get to the infirmary' look in her eyes.

"Crap! Let's go, Daniel!" Jack quickened his pace, his long legs moving him through the halls faster than Janet.

Daniel reached out and snagged the back of Jack's shirt. "I don't think running will help, Jack. She'll use the blood trail to track you down."

"Dammit, Daniel, you stole my hundred the least you could do is help me escape!"

"I didn't steal--oh forget it. You're still bleeding--I think you probably should have that looked at." 

"Colonel, don't even think about running, I'll have every SF on base looking for you. You're bleeding, now let me see." Janet called as she came closer towards them. 

Jack sighed, and mumbled to himself about 'Napoleonic Power Mongers' but didn't move. Janet was reaching for his hand as she stepped towards him.

"I think he needs stitches," Daniel said helpfully.

He glared at the Benedict Arnold beside him. "Thanks, Daniel, big help."

"You're right, this does need stitches. Come with me, Colonel, you've got a date with my infirmary."

"Fine--but don't expect a dinner out of it."  

"Don't worry, Colonel, I've already eaten." She grinned as she led the way towards the infirmary with a pouting Colonel tagging behind her. 

Jack grabbed Daniel's arm as he headed down the hall. "Seeing as how this is your fault, the least you can do is keep me company while Janet plays Doctor Frankenstein."

"But I was going to go get some pie," Daniel whined. "You've been talking about it non-stop and now I want some."

Jack's glare could have stopped time. "I _know_ that you did NOT just say you were going to go get pie without me!"

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll go watch Janet use you as a pin cushion. Happy?"  

"Not hardly." 

They entered the infirmary and Janet pointed towards a bed by the wall. "Go and sit down, I'll be right there." 

Jack grumbled, but climbed onto the bed, looking down at his traitorous hand. Pulling the shirt from away from the wound he heard a noise from Daniel. Looking over he could see Daniel making a disgusted face. "Just be happy that it's not your hand."

"Oh I am. For more reasons than one. Don't you ever clean under your fingernails?"

"Oh shut up, Daniel." 

"That's enough you two, don't make me have to separate you. Alright, Sir, let's see that hand." 

Jack extended his wounded hand to Janet, and she began to poke and prod it. Just as Jack was about to protest she poured disinfectant onto the open wound. 

With a gasp Jack yanked his hand back, cradling it against his chest. "What are you trying to do, ForCryinOutLoud?!" 

"Sir, I need to make sure it's clean before I stitch it." 

Cursing to himself Jack allowed Janet to place his hand on the table before him. She inserted a needle to numb his hand as she set about preparing to stitch it up. Jack watched as the needle went in and out of his skin. He'd seen many things in battle, many wounds, but his adrenaline was always too high for what was really happening to sink in.

Now however he had plenty of time watching Janet perform her Doctoraly duties. He felt pressure in his head, he thought he must be getting a headache. He turned to say something to Daniel when everything began to get fuzzy. In seconds, Janet found her arms full of Colonel.

"Sir?! Daniel, give me a hand here."

Daniel quickly grabbed Jack by the shoulders and helped lay him on the bed. "Jack?" 

"Sir?! Can you hear me? Colonel O'Neill!" Janet tapped him gently on the side of the face. 

Daniel turned to Janet in concern. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's fainted, how long was he bleeding?"

"I'm not sure," Daniel looked at his watch. "About three hours, maybe. It stopped for awhile." 

"What...? Do you know if he's eaten anything today? Come on Colonel..."

"Um...just Twinkies, I think."

"OhFor..." Turning to her nurse Janet ordered some blood work done, and an IV started. She tried tapping the Colonel's face again. 

What the hell kept hitting him? Jack reached a groggy arm up to swat away whatever was tapping him on the face. He could hear a distant voice, one that sounded like someone calling his name. Cracking an eye opened, he gazed into two worried brown ones. "Doc?" he croaked. Clearing his voice he tried again, "What happened?"

"You fainted," Daniel said. 

"I did not faint," Jack answered indignantly.

"I'm afraid you did, Sir. Have you eaten today? How long were you bleeding?"

"What? No...I wanted pie, Daniel wouldn't...we got locked...bleeding?" Jack's mind was still a little fuzzy on the details. He tried to sit up, only to be pushed back down by Janet. 

"Don't move, Colonel, I want you here in the infirmary for at least a few hours. You've lost some blood, haven't eaten and you fainted. I want you here for observation." 

"I'm fine. I want my pie." Trying to sit up again, Jack fell back to the bed.

"Jack, I think you should listen to Janet," Daniel said. He frowned. "You don't look so good." Actually, with the cream on his jacket sleeve and stitched hand he looked like he'd fought with the giant Twinkie from the Ghostbusters and lost. 

"I need to finish stitching your hand, Sir." Janet resumed her stitching, only to have her patients hand pulled away again. "Sir! Please, you have to stay still." 

"It hurts!"

"Janet, maybe you should give him something for the pain," Daniel suggested. 

"Yeah! I mean, what is there a pain med shortage?!" Shaking her head, Janet asked her nurse to bring some pain killer for the Colonel, quickly inserting it into the IV. _Everyone's a Doctor._ "There, that should kick in any moment, Colonel." 

The smile on the man's face told her it already was. His eyes drifted around the room and she was finished quickly, bandaging his hand and checking the IV. 

"Alright, Colonel, I want you to stay here. I've got rounds to do and then I'll be back to check on you." 

"Sure, J'net" He slurred happily. As she disappeared around the curtain, Jack turned his eyes to his friend still standing by the bed. "Hi, Danny!" he greeted, as if he'd just noticed him. "I want pie!"

"We'll get pie as soon as you're feeling better, Jack," Daniel told him. 

"No! I want pie now!" Jack pouted, holding his bandaged hand to his chest as if trying to gain sympathy from his injury.

Daniel put a hand to his forehead to fight off a forming headache. What the hell did Janet give him, anyway? "You can't have pie now. Janet told you to stay here."

"You can bring me some pie." Jack replied in a sing song voice, one he would later swear was a result of the pain meds.

"Yes--but I don't think you should be left alone at the moment," Daniel said, eyeing Jack's dopey grin warily.

"I'm not going anywhere." He lifted his IV-ed arm as if the line attached to the bag on the pole was all the proof Daniel needed that Jack would remain in the infirmary.

Daniel wasn't convinced. "We'll just wait until Janet comes back and then I'll go get you some pie."

"Come on, Spacemonkey, pleeease...I'll stay put, I promise. Besides, where would I go if I know you're going to bring me pie?"

"I thought we talked about that nickname," Daniel hissed.

Jack smiled sweetly, "I'll never use it again...IF you bring me some pie...NOW." 

Daniel hesitated. Jack wouldn't leave if he knew pie was coming, right? And the prospect of never being called with that dreaded nickname again was quite appealing. "Okay--but if you leave, Janet's going to kill me and you won't get any pie."

"I won't, I swear. Now, I want a slice of chocolate cream pie...they made it especially at my request. Of course I would have gotten to eat it sooner if you hadn't gotten us locked in the storage room, but that's not important now. Ok, I want chocolate cream pie, and you have to ask them to put some whipped cream on the top for me. They made it especially at my request...."

Daniel looked at Jack with disbelieving concern. He sounded like a broken record. "Right. Okay. Chocolate cream pie, whipped cream on top. Anything else? A cherry, perhaps?"

"No, cherries go on sundaes, and they don't have them here. I checked. I want chocolate cream pie with whipped cream oh and some red JELLO. Oh and check and see if they have any of those muffins I like, but don't forget the pie. The pie is the most important thing..." Jack began to chuckle to himself, his eyes sliding shut, then popping back open. "Chocolate cream pie with whipped cream...no cherries...and red JELLO...muffins..." His eyes drifted closed again, this time staying shut.

Daniel shook his head, and muttered to himself, "Right. So chocolate cream pie with whipped cream on top," before spinning around and heading out the door.

Jack cracked an eye opened, grinning to himself. He patted his front pocket, whispering "Sucker!" as he pulled the IV out of his hand. Sliding off the bed, Jack quickly disappeared from the infirmary, making his way back towards his own office. Quickly opening the door, he stepped inside, leaving the door slightly open. Reaching into his pocket Jack beamed. "They'll never find us here Doc."

* * * * 

Daniel walked back into the infirmary, with a piece of chocolate cream pie, made especially at Jack's request, with whipped cream on top. He walked over to the bed and set it on the table. "Okay, I got your pie, maybe now---" Daniel trailed off as his eyes strayed over to the top of the bed. "Jack...?" 

Janet rounded the curtain, stopping in her tracks. "Daniel, where is Colonel O'Neill?!"

"I don't know--he was here a minute ago..." 

"What, he disappeared? Weren't you watching him?"

"No--he wanted pie and he was sleeping, so I--" 

"Right...the Colonel never sleeps in the infirmary, Daniel." 

Sam, Teal'c and Ferretti walked into the infirmary. "What's going on? Where's the Colonel?"

"It looks like he made a run for it," Daniel sighed.

"Alright, spread out, I want him found and brought back to the infirmary. Daniel, you check your office, he might have gone there. Major Ferretti, you check his office. Sam, Teal'c..." 

"We're on it, Janet." Janet nodded as they all left the infirmary in search of their missing Colonel. She sighed, turning and heading back towards her other, more manageable patients. When they got the man back, she was going to tie him to the bed, and not in a good way.

* * * *

Ferretti headed down the left hallway, hoping he would be the one to find Jack. He was still wondering about that mess in the storage room, and though he knew Jack probably wouldn't give him any answers, Ferretti had no intention of letting that stop him. 

He reached the door quickly, and was just reaching for the door knob when the Colonel's voice reached him. 

"You know, you're kinda cute, Doc."

Ferretti froze. Daniel had gotten here already? How...wasn't he supposed to go to his own office? Ferretti knew he'd let his mind wander, but he hadn't noticed Daniel pass him. 

"Here, let's sit over here, it's more comfortable."

Ferretti's mouth dropped open. 

"Aw, look at that, you're all sticky, better let me clean you off."

"Wh--" Ferretti's voice came out as little more than a squeak. He couldn't be hearing what he was hearing, could he? He joked, sure, but the Colonel and Daniel...? 

"You know, almost tastes as good as the chocolate cream pie."

Ferretti had to grab onto the wall for support. He'd been sucked into an alternate universe. That was what this was. No other explanation. 

"That's better, all clean."

Ferretti leaned against the wall. What should he do? He couldn't...couldn't go in there. No way was he going in there. But if he didn't, someone else would. Doc Frasier had just about all the SF's on base looking for Jack, and not all of them would be discrete.

"You know, we can't let anyone know about this. They'd never understand."

Ferretti could understand--he supposed he had seen…sparks or something. God. He was thinking about sparks. He banged his head back against the wall and felt a migraine coming on. He couldn't deal with this. He needed a drink.  

"So we have to be very discreet, and very quiet. Of course that won't be as much fun, but we can play louder when we get home."

Ferretti slumped further against the wall. He really didn't want to think about what they would be doing when they got home. That was too much information. 

"You know, I bet Lou would love you. I think he likes this kinda of stuff. Maybe we should ask him if he wants to join in sometime."

WHAT? Ferretti fought the urge to run. Twinkies and threesomes really weren't his thing. He was married and he had kids. He had a station wagon. 

"Yeah, this would be right up his alley. I don't think we should mention it to Carter she might not enjoy it as much. This is something for men to enjoy, maybe Teal'c...We could get Lou and Teal'c and the four of us could get together one night, what do you think?"

Foursomes? Ferretti went pale. He wished he could hear Daniel's responses. He would have thought the young archeologist would have run screaming down the halls by this point. He didn't take Daniel as the kind of guy for...threesomes. Jack, he could see a bit easier. He groaned. He wished he wasn't 'seeing' any of it and tried to block out the mental images.

"OK, Doc...oh I am getting too old for this. You should be the one bending over, not me."

Ferretti clamped his hands over his ears.

"Wow, I'm hungry, and my knees are killing me. How bout we take a break and go get something to eat?"

Ferretti pushed away from the wall and stood in the center of the hall, looking in each direction for the best place to run. When he saw Sam and Teal'c coming from the right he froze. They watched him strangely. 

"Ferretti," Sam nodded. "Is the Colonel--" 

"He isn't in his office!" Ferretti shouted. 

Jack walked towards his door, placing Doc back in his pocket, when he heard Ferretti yell. "Damn, they've found us, Doc. We gotta hide." Jack ran to his desk, crawling underneath, whispering to Doc, "Ok, don't make a sound, Doc. Maybe they'll keep on going."

"Are you sure?" Sam asked looking over Ferretti's shoulder at the slightly ajar door. 

"Perhaps we should check again," Teal'c suggested. 

Ferretti planted himself in the doorway, his hands gripping either side. "I really don't think you should." 

Jack could hear Carter, Teal'c and Ferretti's voices outside his door. They were here to take him back to Dr. Frankenstein...well he wasn't going. She'd have to stick holes in someone else. He removed Doc from his pocket once more, "Here's the plan, Doc, if they get in, we'll flip the desk and run for the door. They won't take us alive."

Teal'c easily grabbed Ferretti by the shoulders and moved him out of the way. Sam looked at him bemusedly as she led the way into the office. 

Jack held his breath as he heard the door open.

Ferretti pushed past Sam. Quickly scanning the room. His eyes widened as he caught sight of a black boot peaking out from under the desk. How the hell did Jack and Daniel both fit under there? "See," he said, leaning on the desk to hide the view of the shoe. "No one is here." 

Jack quietly released his breath, good ole' Ferretti, he wouldn't give them away.

Sam looked around unconvinced, but eventually sighed. "Maybe he went to the commissary. You know how he feels about pie." Teal'c nodded and Ferretti let out a sigh of relief as they headed back out into the hallway. 

Sam sighed as Ferretti tightly shut the door. "Teal'c and I will head back to the infirmary and see if Janet's heard anything. Ferretti, why don't you go check on Daniel, see if he's found him?" 

Sam and Teal'c headed back to the infirmary and Ferretti sighed and trudged off to the men's room. He would dunk his head in some iced cold water and then go to Daniel's office.

* * * * 

Damn, Jack thought, thinking back to Carter's comment, he could really go for some pie now. As the door closed, Carter, Teal'c and Ferretti leaving the office, Jack untangled his sore body and crawled out from under the desk, standing and stretching. He'd have to buy Lou a beer for saving his ass. Making his way silently towards the door, Jack paused, listening to see if anyone was in the hallway.

Jack waited for a few minutes, finally opening the door and heading towards Daniel's office. He still owed him a slice of pie. "Hey, Danny boy!" Jack happily announced as he walked into Daniel's office.

Daniel looked up startled. "Jack! Thank god. We've been looking all over for you. Where have you been?" 

"Oh you know, here and there. Where's my pie?"

"It's in the infirmary," Daniel said with a frown. "The same place you're supposed to be." 

"Oh no...I've been poked and prodded enough for today."

"Jack, Sam just phoned from the infirmary. Janet's worried that you're having an...adverse reaction to the pain meds she gave you. I really think we should get you back there--there's chocolate cream pie waiting for you..."

"Janet just wants to get me into bed... I see it in her eyes."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Jack--she's a doctor. She just wants to make sure you're healthy."

"That's what they all say. I'm fine, Doc and I are just peachy."

Daniel frowned. "Janet isn't fine. She's worried, she's--"

"Got anymore Twinkies?" Jack interrupted. 

"What? Jack? Would you listen to yourself?" 

"I'm hungry! I didn't get any pie!"

Daniel sighed. He opened his top desk drawer and tossed Jack a Twinkie. "Can we go to the infirmary now?"

"I can't open it, you have to." Jack tossed the Twinkie back, smiling at Daniel.

"You've got to be kidding me," Daniel muttered, opening the wrapper and handing it back. 

Ferretti ran a hand over his face and went to Daniel's office. He didn't know why he was bothering. He knew Daniel wasn't there. Daniel was with Jack, in his office...and...he groaned. The mental pictures were coming back. 

Jack took the Twinkie back, grinning happily and biting into it, the cream squirting out the end, onto Jack's hand.

Ferretti sighed as he reached the door, and hesitantly moved his hand to the handle. 

"Aw, look at me. Daniel, I'm covered in cream, you have to help clean me off, I can't go to the infirmary like this."

Ferretti froze. No. No. No. Not again...

"I can't, Daniel...Pleeease..."

Daniel sighed and tried to find some patience. He used to have a lot of it. But Jack O'Neill was slowly wearing it down. He grabbed another bandanna off his desk and tossed it at Jack. 

"Daniel, I need some help, I can't do it alone....please." Jack pouted.

Daniel gave another long suffering sigh and picked up the bandanna.

"Fine." He grabbed Jack's hand and started wiping it off. "Jesus, this stuff is sticky." 

"Take it easy, not so rough."

"Do you want to do it?" Daniel demanded. 

"You know, Doc, it was much gentler before. At least I wasn't rough when I cleaned you off."

"Sorry," Daniel said, somewhat apologetic. "I know you're a bit sore."  

"Well...I would ask you to kiss it better..."

A beat later they heard a blood curdling "NOOOO!" from outside the office, followed by a much quieter, "God, make it stop!" 

Jack pulled Doc from his pocket to make sure he was alright. "Doc? Are you ok?!"

Daniel looked at Jack in incredulity, before walking over and opening the door. Ferretti stood in the hall way, gaping at him in disbelief.

Jack looked up, seeing Ferretti, and beamed, "Doc's OK!" He held the tiny soldier up to show both Daniel and Ferretti that Doc was indeed OK.

"Doc?" Ferretti repeated, his eyes straying to the toy. "THAT Doc?"

"Of course, who did you think I was talking about?" Jack looked at Ferretti as if he thought the man was crazy. Shaking his head, he reached over and grabbed the Twinkie from Daniel's desk. "Let's go to the infirmary, I want my pie. Oh, watch out for the cream on your desk, Danny. They really fill these Twinkies." Stuffing the rest in his mouth, Jack walked passed Daniel and Ferretti, making his way back towards the infirmary.

"We should probably go with him," Daniel said, before taking off after Jack. 

Ferretti watched them go. Doc, he realized with relief. Jack had been talking about THAT Doc. He froze. Wait...did that make things better or worse? Just what the hell had he been doing to that toy?

Ferretti shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. He headed back to the washroom to dunk his head in another sink filled with cold water. He wouldn't ask. He didn't want to know. 

* * * * 

"Thank god you found him!" Janet ran towards Daniel and a very...happy? Colonel O'Neill. _That's odd, I don't think I've ever seen him happy coming to the infirmary before. _

"Hey Doc! Where's my pie?" 

"Your pie is over on that table," Daniel told him tiredly. They all turned to look at the pie. Half of it was gone. 

"What the hell?! Who ate my pie?!?!" Jack stormed over to his half eaten pie, picking it up and inspecting it, he grabbed the fork and began eating it. 

"Jack!" Daniel started. "Don't eat--" he trailed off. Moving a hand to his forehead, he considered asking Janet if he could have some of that pain medicine too.

"Sir! You shouldn't be eating that...Daniel? What happened to him?" Janet walked over to Jack, pushing him down to sit on the bed. He was still eating his pie as she pulled her penlight out, shining it in his eyes.

"He's lost it, is what happened to him. What did you give him, anyway? He's even more...loopy, than usual."

"It was a new pain med that the SGC developed. It worked wonders on the other patients we used it on...perhaps the Colonel is having some type of allergic reaction to it. What has he been acting like?" Jack pushed Janet's hand away so he could shovel the last bite from his chocolate cream pie with whipped cream, made especially for him into his mouth.

Daniel frowned over at him. "Like a four year old. More so than usual."

"I'm going to need a little more information than that, Daniel. Any headaches? Hallucinations? Anything odder than usual?"

"Well, he was talking to Doc. That was odd." 

Jack had been sitting on the bed all the while ignoring the fact he was being spoken about as if he weren't in the room.

"Doc? Who is Doc?" Janet grabbed Jack's arm as he slipped from the bed, taking a step towards the door.

"Let go! I want more pie. Ooo and so does Doc. Right, Doc?" Jack pulled the toy soldier from his pocket, grinning down at it.

Daniel winced and turned to Janet. "That's Doc." 

Janet looked from one man to the other, then down at the toy soldier. Muttering to herself, "I don't get paid enough for this crap." She turned back to Daniel. "That's Doc...? Where did Doc come from?"

"That's a long story. And I think we should be focusing on why Jack is talking to him, instead of where he came from," Daniel said tiredly.

Raising an eyebrow, Janet decided it was probably best she didn't know where Doc came from. "Alright. Well I'll have to keep him in for observation and run some blood work. Hopefully it will just wear off like other pain meds. Help me get him into bed, Daniel." 

Janet and Daniel both reached for Jack but he was too quick. Moving much faster than Janet would have thought possible under the influence, Jack ran past them both, heading straight for the door. 

"Colonel! Wait!!" Jack turned to grin at his too slow friends, completely failing to see the wall that was Teal'c in his path.

"Oofph"

Daniel watched the whole scenario without blinking. "Hi, Teal'c," he said brightly. "Want to help us get Jack back on the bed?"

"Indeed." Teal'c grabbed Jack under the arms, lifting him into the air and over his shoulder. Walking briskly back to the infirmary bed, he deposited the drugged, and struggling Colonel onto the mattress. 

"Hey!! Let me go! I need pie!"

"Doc is sick, Jack," Daniel said with practiced seriousness. "Janet has to run some tests on you both. You don't want Doc to get worse, do you?"  

"Doc...is...sick?" Jack looked at the toy soldier in his palm, seeing a white film on his mouth. "Oh my god!! DOC!!!! Janet, you have to help him! He's foaming at the mouth!!" Jack looked with terrified eyes into the face of Janet Fraiser. 

"Don't worry, Sir. We'll take good care of him. Why don't you both lie back while I run some tests."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and looked over at Daniel.

Janet shook her head as she reached for the restraints. "That's it, Sir, just relax."

"Daniel...is Doc going to be ok?" Jack looked at his best friend with puppy dog eyes.

"Sure, Jack. He'll be fine. Janet will fix you both up." 

Teal'c's eyebrow rose ever higher.

"Don't worry Sir, Doc is in good hands. We'll have him good as new in no time."

"Thanks, Janet...I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to Doc.

"Janet," Daniel whispered. "You can…fix him, can't you? Jack, I mean. Not Doc." 

"He'll be fine, Daniel. Why don't you and Teal'c go fill in the General and Sam?"

Jack's eyes were beginning to close, as were his fingers around Doc, his exciting day finally catching up to him.

"Indeed," Teal'c said. "I believe this will be most interesting." 

"Mmmmm pie......"

Daniel shook his head at Jack. Now the man was dreaming about pie. He sighed and turned to Teal'c. "Alright, let's go," he said, before mumbling, "This should be fun." As he went out the door, he tried to think of a way to explain today's events to the General. 

"Good luck," Janet smiled as she watched Daniel and Teal'c leave to go and explain things to the General. 

"Doctor?" Janet turned to face the young nurse behind her. 

"Oh, Claire. We're going to need a full blood work up for the Colonel."

Ferretti was feeling better after having placed his face in the ice cold water, and thought he'd better go check on Jack. He walked down the hall slowly, however, not completely sure he wanted to face him yet. 

"The Colonel is here now?"

He stopped at the open doorway, took a breath, and prepared to enter. 

"Yes, I've got him tied to a bed in the back. Now the fun begins." Janet winked at the nurse, as she reached for the medical chart in her hands. "Make sure no one disturbs us, alright, Claire?"

Ferretti froze, and backed away from the door in horror. This place was mad. They were all insane. All of them.

"Yes, Ma'am." Claire walked out of the infirmary, nodding towards Lou. "Good afternoon, Major Ferretti."

"'noon..." he rasped, his voice cracking. He should just go get in his station wagon and drive to Arizona. That's what he should do.

Hearing Ferretti's voice Janet turned to the door. The man was long over due for his annual physical. _No time like the present. "Major Ferretti! Just the man I was looking for. I've got a bed in the back with your name on it."_

Ferretti paled. "Wh-hh...? No!!" Then he took off.

Janet watched as Major Ferretti ran screaming down the halls of the SGC. Shaking her head she thought to herself, _I know people don't enjoy getting physicals but that was a bit much. She turned from the doorway and walked back towards her only remaining patient. __Time to play Doctor.___

_   The End._


End file.
